The Google AdSense Assassin Bot
by MGFF
Summary: Google's customized ads, and the ever present Google AdSense Bot, have MG in their evil clutches! Jehad, AKA Yiffur the Fox, tells this story of his resistance. A warning for all about the dangers of defying the Google Empire- and being too geeky.
1. The Phantom Menace

**AN: This story is based off of MG, and the infamous GoogleAdsense bot. –Jehad**

**The GoogleAdsense Assassin Bot**

**by Virgo's Fox**

_**Chapter One:**_

_**The Phantom Menace**_

Megaglomp used to be a simple, serene place. I first thought of it as a vacation home, when the Maximum Ride forums crashed, but after a few months I decided to make it a permanent resting place and assumed my place as the Forum Pet. But after the great migration of '08, things changed. We were forced to live under the rule of even more advertisements then before, and many were oppressed.

Nevertheless, we manage to survive. Some people had tried to ignore the tyranny of the advertisements, keeping in mind that they helped support our lovely home. I had taken refuge under the wing of AdBlockPlus, and was pretty much oblivious to the threats of the advertisements.

Well, enough of the oppression stuff. It's depressing. The good news is that MegaGlomp continues to thrive, annoying site links or not. We have one respectable admin, one... other admin, an awesome webmaster, and a community. But, despite all the optimistic signs, there still lies an unnerving threat...

**000**

It all started on a chilly morning in September. I had woken up in the Role Playing section, the exact thread being "The Final Round," I think. I must've fell asleep while playing roles. Oh well. After I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I hopped onto my motorbike and zoomed off out of the Role Playing section, taking the exit into the Board Index.

I parked on the side of the deserted highway to take a look at the MegaGlomp logo, high in the sky. As long as that logo remains, everything is calm. After hopping back onto my bike, I realized no one was logged on, which could be the only possible reason the highway was empty. Shrugging off the thought, I zoomed down the highway to go home and check my private messages. But a sense of unease raised the hair on the back of my neck.

As I zoomed down the empty road, I could hear another sound roar behind me, the sound of a motor purring. I turned my head and scanned my surroundings, but wherever I looked, I couldn't see another presence, just the empty turnpike behind me. I continued to ignore the noise, and finally, I reached my user control panel. I spun to a stop, and hopped off my bike.

"Hey! Why are you following me!?" I called into the chilly morning air, and was answered by nothing but my own voice, resonating off of the empty space around me. I continued to listen intently for any movements, and sighed in relief when I convinced myself that no one was there. Keeping calm, I stepped to my User Control Panel, and placed my hand on the door. The AdBlockPlus logo appeared, assuring me I was safe, and the door automatically opened.

My Control Panel was nothing special, just a standardized living space, where I could view my friends and foes, check my messages, customize my account, the usual. I sat down on my couch, picking up my convenient Options PDA. My stylus tapped against the screen impatiently, scrolling to my inbox folder. I had a message from my friend metallix, titled "Re: yo." My black stylus tapped the message, when I heard the cursed purring motor noise again, ringing in my ears.

This time, I had enough. My hand automatically reached into my jacket, and I pulled out the 'Furry Cannon' I had received from Midi the Squirrel in the old Maximum Ride days. "Stupid ads, you'll wish you never came to this forum!"

"_On the contrary_," a deep, Microsoft Sam-like voice boomed. "_It'll be you who will wish you had never existed._"

It couldn't be!

**To be continued...**


	2. Google versus MSN– the Confrontation

**The GoogleAdsense Assassin Bot**

_**Chapter Two: **_

_**Google versus MSN – the Confrontation**_

I spun around, finally meeting my pursuer. I couldn't believe my eyes, I had only hear rumors about Google Adsense. The humanoid robot was black, with yellow, green, and red on the edges and joints. There was also a big colorful "G" on its chest.

"Don't move!" I shouted, aiming my furry cannon at it. "Or you'll be coughing up fur balls for a week!"

The bot shifted its position, placing its right foot forward. It extended its right arm towards me. Instead of a hand on its arm, however, there was a cannon, kinda like Megaman or something. It glowed a flaming yellow on the inside, and the heat from it was making my lips chapped.

"_Drop the weapon_," it boomed, and I gently placed the furry cannon down. "_Hand over the Personal Digital Assistant_."

I took in a sharp breath. There was no way I would allow some advertisement hunk of junk get to my personal data. There was only one way out then, even though I would risk my whole Control Panel.

I tapped a small AdBlock Plus logo on my PDA quickly before handing it to Google AdSense. It took it hastily, its red eye sockets glowing. "_You will be spared... For now_." It slowly stepped out of the door, but hesitated. Suddenly, it turned, before a red figure crashed into it.

I hurried out the door, hoping that the red blur I saw was an AdBlock Plus bot that I requested with my PDA. It wasn't. It was an MSN robot, which stood a minute 5 feet tall. It had a colorful butterfly logo on its chest.

"_Reassessing... Target priorities,_" it intoned. "_Destroy the Google AdSense bot_."

I really wished that the AdBlock Plus bot would hurry it up a bit, before things got ugly. I took refuge behind a tree, wishing I remembered to pick up my Furry Cannon.

With a few loud moaning noises, the Google Adsense Bot stood up. It had already recovered from the MSN attack. Swiftly, it assumed its right-arm-forward fighting stance, firing a blast of yellow heat at the MSN Bot.

Narrowly escaping the inferno, the red robot dove forward at Google AdSense, smashing its right arm into its chest. Before it could lose its chance, MSN landed another blow, this time to the head, that sent its enemy robot flying unnaturally far. MSN zoomed after toward the flying heap of metal, and easily caught up. It kicked, sending Google AdSense flying skywards.

With an awkward somersault, Google AdSense was able to straighten itself out. It continued to fly upward. As it flew in puruit, MSN Bot's right arm turn into a cannon similar to Google AdSense's. MSN fired, and a narrow, icy blue beam flew straight at Google Adsense. But it wasn't enough. Google Adsense turned back to MSN, mid-flight, and fired its own ray. The two bolts of power met in midair. Google Adsense's ray easily overpowered MSN's blast and smashed into the red robot, leaving it in a flaming pile of metal, which crashed to earth.

It wasn't over yet though. The Google Adsense Bot came spiraling down, ready to finish off the MSN Bot once and for all. Just as it was about to annihilate the pile of rubble, however, another red blur dove out of nowhere, smashing into Google Adsense and sending it flying into a tree. Finally, the AdBlock Plus bot had showed up. It reached upwards and caught my PDA, which the Google bot must have dropped. I breathed a sigh of relief, only hoping that I could get my MG PDA back in one piece.

**To be continued...**


	3. Lost Outside the Net

**The GoogleAdsense Assassin Bot**

_**Chapter **__**Three**__**: **_

_**Lost Outside the Net**_

The AdBlockPlus bot was kinda short and clunky. Its torso piece was a spherical shape. It was red, and had some strange antennas that protruded from what a human would call ears. Unlike MSN and Google, he didn't have a cool arm cannon. After noticing that flaw, I decided that he didn't stand much of a chance... I slowly started to creep towards my Control Panel.

The Google Adsense Bot straightened, its body parts starting to overheat. Its head turned left, then right again. It repeated this process several times before reassuming its fighting stance and firing a yellow blast in my direction. I didn't need to act, the ABP bot did it for me. It leaped forward, the blast reflecting off of its clunky figure.

Before Google AdSense could act again, a Windows Pop-Up appeared.

_**Firefox, or one of its components have stopped working...**_

I quickly selected the '**End Now**' option before reading the rest.

Suddenly, everything disappeared, and I was falling. Everything was a deep blue, and I passed a giant sign that read "Windows." I looked down to see where I was falling, and saw a circular ocean of white crumpled up pieces of paper. I spiraled downwards, landing in the ocean with a violent thump.

When I awoke, I was sitting in a circular room. The walls were patterned with small holes that you couldn't squeeze through. "Where am I?" I wondered aloud.

"Heh, that's a good question," a voice said behind me. I stood up and turned around quickly to see who it was. To my surprise, there was a group standing behind me. In the group was a short red figure, who looked like Knuckles the Echidna, a piece of paper with limbs, and a giant E.

"This is the recycle bin," said the piece of paper.

I swallowed. "The recycle bin?"

"Yeah, that little icon that no one uses. Where they put files like us when they want to erase us," said Knuckles the Echidna.

I blinked. Knuckles was that animation I was making in the GIMP, but had erased. I looked at the .txt document, not sure where he had come from, and realized that the giant E was the old Internet Explorer shortcut I had erased. "Wait, you guys are files?"

"You bet we are!" the giant E shouted. I was a little surprised that it talked. "The stupid owner of this computer dumped us in here, but could never decide whether to restore us or erase us."

The .txt file waddled over to me. "What kind of file are you?" he asked, inspecting me closely. "JPG, GIF? One of those new Photosynths?"

"Oh, I'm a uh... Avatar? Yeah, 100x100 pixel .gif image, that's me."

"Really?" Knuckles asked suddenly, stepping closer. "You don't look like a GIF. What program were you made in, GIMP? I don't see any comments on ya..." He looked around a couple times, before seeing a Windows Vista pin on my shirt. "Wait, you aren't a file, you're the user that deleted us!"

"What? No, I uh..."

The .txt jumped on to my shirt. "Why? Why trash us! All we do now is sit around and waste disc space! Restore us already!"

"But I don't need you guys anymore," I said, and quickly caught my mistake. "I mean... Uh..."

"Get him!" Knuckles shouted, leaping forward.

_**And that was the last anyone ever saw of Jehad, also known as Virgo's Fox. May this be a cautionary tale to all who challenge Google—and always remember, your unwanted files **__**will**__** turn against you, so kill them before they kill you.**_


End file.
